Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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