she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
please don't ironically join a cult
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