I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
