Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
