When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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