A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
