I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
