guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
