Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
