Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
