Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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