Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
