did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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