We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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