SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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