Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
