dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
please come you make the beer taste better
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The best revenge is premature balding
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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