You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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