Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
