I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
