Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
