i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
