guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
