he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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