Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
