did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
