Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Text me some of your sweat
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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