I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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