Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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