Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
