we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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