We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
