I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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