Your face is a jimmy john
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
