Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
