Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
