ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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