It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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