so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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