ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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