if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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