Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
