So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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