He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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