i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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