He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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