guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
