my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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