i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
