Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
