I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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