I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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