Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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