Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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