so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
