I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Randomize
