I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
