The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize