i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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