If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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