So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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