My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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