I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize