I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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