this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
