Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
soo... how was my night?
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