frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
